The Résumé Studio Blog

Last week, I read the opening line to an executive’s LinkedIn profile.

She showed up among the list of people I may know.

I didn’t know her, but it appears she’s at the top of her game, so sure, I’d like to.

Unfortunately, she’s not writing concisely: a quest each of us is always on, presumably.

Her LinkedIn profile began: “In my current position as the head of XYZ at ABC company….”

Hmm.

Why current?  Isn’t that assumed?

Let’s strike and flip a few words, shall we?

“In my current position as the head of XYZ at ABC company….”

Here’s her alternative:

“As head of ABC’s XYZ practice, I….”

Instead of slogging through twelve words, she nails it with seven. Bonus points for driving straight to the point.

A beautiful thing.

Of course, some will argue that the sentence structure is all too passive, but I believe there’s a time and place to back into an idea. This is one of them. We know who she is right away.

I say this as loudly to myself as to anyone. As a writer, I’m on a constant quest for economy of words.

This is one way to find that efficient balance.

Try it.

Until next time!

Jared Redick is the founder of The Redick Group, an executive identity and career strategy firm based in San Francisco. He works with C-suite leaders, senior executives, and career transitioners to clarify their narrative, articulate their impact, and position themselves for what’s next.

Filed under: LinkedIn Ideas, Writing Tips | Tagged: LinkedIn writing |